Beautiful, Courageous You

Tag Archives: emotional pain


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Breakthrough is in Testimony

testimony

As I continue to share my testimony of healing from depression, many readers are being inspired, filled with hope and completely healed. I believe God is healing in many ways as we share life’s journey together, in particular when we give testimony of what He has done in our lives.

May I encourage you, as you read these posts be open to His presence. In His presence you may feel you want to laugh, cry, or get up and dance around. Whatever the case, whatever happens be rest assured the Lord is doing a great and mighty work in you. It’s all about Him, He wants you healed & whole more than you want it… I don’t know what His manifest Presence is going to look like for you, but I know my Jesus so be expectant!

Let me remind you of the power of testimony and how by sharing a testimony (or by you reading or hearing a testimony) we are shifting the atmosphere, literally inviting the Father to ‘do it again’!

In Revelation 19:10 we read ‘the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy’.

… the ‘testimony, a spoken or written record of anything God has done, is the spirit of prophecy.

Prophecy either points to the future or it changes an immediate event.

Testimony causes a change in present events! The word ‘testimony’ in Hebrew comes from a root word which means ‘do again’ … so every time a testimony is spoken, it comes with it God’s covenant to repeat the miracle!

The reason we share a testimony is because we want to create the atmosphere for the miracle to be duplicated… as I share my journey on these pages I am not just giving information, I am giving the power for transformation, lives are transformed as faith is elevated through the power of our testimony.

I will testify of His goodness all of my days 🙂 Now you go find some powerful testimonies in areas that you need breakthrough, let faith arise and BE EXPECTANT x


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Why Me, WHY?

why me

Often times when I begin to get caught up with thoughts of ‘why me?’ and I lose perspective, per se. I am reminded of my blind father and his ability to press on and persevere in spite of his afflictions. I have wonderful eyesight, what a great blessing!

Helen Keller overcame the adversity of losing sight and hearing at age two, although faced with unthinkable circumstances, Keller counted each day as blessed, she once said “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart”.

When we read what the apostle Paul wrote in the book of Philippians it becomes clear that our perspective on life will determine our level of contentment. Paul wrote from a jail cell;

 “I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am”. Philippians 4:12 (MSG)

It’s so easy to get stuck in the ‘why me ‘trap, believe me I know.

In recent years, ‘why me’?  has been the mantra of my life that was, until I realised, ‘hey why not me’?  When we develop the ability to look at the tough times  from a new position, we can embrace life as a journey of valley’s and mountaintops, all of which God draws a line of purpose through the centre of it all. Today, whether  you find yourself in a valley, or upon a mountaintop, be encouraged…

“Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way…” Hebrews 12:2 (MSG Version)


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Emotions are Like a Spoiled Child… They Can Mess Up Your Day!

mess_up_my_day-478418

“Emotions are like a spoiled child, indulge them and they’ll control you” – Bob Gass

We all have emotions the key is learning how to manage emotions and not allow them to manage us. Emotions are fickle, my firsthand advice; don’t over indulge your emotions or they will mess up your day!

In particular with depression, as you first begin to ‘opt in’ to doing life again the mood swings can be overwhelming, one moment feeling that depression has lifted and your emotions are high,  ie. you catch yourself laughing or simply smiling, the following moment feeling completely defeated and easily snap at the slightest upset. This unstable behaviour would leave me feeling terrible about myself, it was hard on me as well as everyone around me. Often when I would have a good moment or even a good day, my mind would be consumed with the thought ‘this is too good to be true, it probably won’t last’ on the heels of such thinking was an emotion attached… a deep wave of depression would overwhelm me once again.

A very valuable lesson I have learned, having suffered depression, it is easy to mistake a bad day/flat feeling as being a relapse back into a depressed state.  Looking back on my rollercoaster of emotions, I see clearly now that every moment of my day was based on how I was feeling as opposed to living by faith… I was being controlled by my emotions.

Considering we are body, soul and spirit, if we are to be ‘led by the spirit’ it is most important to make emotional maturity our goal and walk in the spirit as opposed to being led by emotions. Joyce Meyer explains; “We must learn to trust that God knows what He is doing in us. If we feel something in our emotions, that is fine. If we do not feel anything, that is fine too. We must remember that we are in this for the long haul – not just for those times when we feel good, but also for those times when we feel bad or do not feel anything at all…” Yup in this for the long haul, now hush those emotions and keep on the lookout for pinching Angels 😉 x


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Now, Lord, take my life! or get aligned ;-)

He restores my soul

During my journey of recovery from depression, I would often reflect on the story of Elijah written in the book of 1 Kings. Here we read the how this great man of God was running away to hide from Jezebel:

 “ But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!” (see 19: 3-5)

It is clear from the context that Elijah was exhausted – mentally and physically. I believe he had not been eating or resting, that he was running on a spiritual high (sound familiar?)

Elijah had great victories, revived a widow’s son, called down fire from heaven and then finds himself running scared from a girl! This irrational response is not too dissimilar to the first signs of depression, as his body was exhausted so to his mind became irrational, ‘Lord take my life’ is suicidal thinking!. He had already stood against greater odds than one woman and yet he was fearful and perceived the threat irrationally.

 How did God respond to Elijah? He cared for his natural needs: “Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” Then he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank, and lay down again.  And the angel of the Lord came back the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.”  So he arose, and ate and drank; and he went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights as far as Horeb, the mountain of God.” (see 1 Kings 19:5-8)

The primary need that the Lord saw was the need for the body to recover strength: to sleep, to eat, to drink. Elijah had a nature – a human nature, just like our own. Therefore, if exhaustion and lack of nutrition can cause Elijah to have a flat day, then it can happen to us because we have the same nature, a human nature that requires adequate rest and nourishment.

When our body is depleted, our soul will follow with irrational thoughts, anger, irritability, insomnia etc., and of course depression which, by consequence, we will feel spiritually depleted. The same connection is true in a vice versa situation, for example what we allow our thought life to meditate on will determine our emotional condition and ultimately affect our physical bodies. Randy Clark writes; “When our will reflects His, our emotions receive the best medicine possible. An alignment takes place that gives permission for the body to experience health. A healthy spirit makes for a healthy soul. A healthy soul makes it much more likely that we will enjoy physical health too.” ”. (The Essential Guide to Healing pg, 179)

Often, we fail to recognise a ‘misalignment’ between our body, soul and spirit, as life gets busier we can fall into the trap of neglecting our physical needs, as Elijah did, we fall into an emotional demise and then find ourselves asking ‘how did I get here’? Today, take a moment to consider areas that are misaligned in your life… maybe it’s a check on your thoughts? What are you meditating on? How’s your nutrition? Do you have healthy boundaries in place with regards to negative influences? Self care is not selfish… it is essential, so, like Elijah, you may go ” in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights…” x


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Masters of the Masquerade

The most courageous decision I have ever made was the moment when I decided to take off my masks… my social mask, my school-mum mask, my corporate trainer mask, my church mask and every other ‘face’ that was not the real me.

Max Lucado, in his book Six Hours One Friday, describes our desperate desire to disguise our true -self…

“We are masters of the masquerade. Cars are driven to make a statement. Jeans are purchased to portray an image. Accents are acquired to hide a heritage. Names are dropped. Weights are lifted. Yarns are spun. Toys are purchased. Achievements are professed”.

In the depths of despair I had no energy for playing charades,  the blessing of this desperate place was that the real me, the amazing strong woman I was created to be, was finally allowed to come out of hiding… it was literally a case of being strong enough to show my weakness. For most of my life the real me was hidden behind a painted smile, I believe we all spend our time wearing costumed faces. The fear of rejection, fear to be ourselves pervades out thoughts until the real self is forgotten. May I encourage you to remove your masks, silence the fear and step into the freedom to be you. You do ‘you’ perfectly!created to stand out


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… You Find Me Bigger!

Aslan

In the book *Prince Caspian, Lucy sees Aslan the lion for the first time in many years. He has changed since their last encounter. His size surprises her, and she tells him as much. ‘Aslan,’ says Lucy, ‘you’re bigger.’ He replies, ‘That is because you are older little one.’ Lucy says, ‘Not because you are?’ He replies, ‘I am not. But every year you grow, you find me bigger.’ And so it is in our walk with Christ. The longer we serve Him, the greater He becomes. It’s not that He changes, but that we do. We see dimensions, aspects, characteristics we never saw before; increasing and astonishing increments of His purity, power and uniqueness.

It is only recently that I have realised God is much bigger than the religious box I had been holding Him in for the past 15 years. As I grow in the true knowledge of who He is I am in awe of the many facets to His goodness, mercy, forgiveness and love. David wrote: ‘Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things…’ (Psalm 103:2-5)

May you see Him ‘bigger’ today… get a BIG view of God and this will translate into BIG courage! For He is bigger than the financial pressure you have, bigger than the sickness you’re battling, bigger than the persecution of other’s, bigger than the relationship problems your dealing with… bigger than all that life has to throw at you. He is Lord over all that comes against you, Hudson Taylor said, if He is not Lord over all, He is not Lord at all!

 

 

*ref; Bob Gass Word For Today


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He Restores My Soul

He restores my soul

Before we can heal the soul we must first understand what is the soul? God has created us as a triune being, we are spirit which has a soul and lives in a body. In pursuit of healing the soul it is most important to understand the soul consists of the mind (which includes the conscience), the will and the emotions.

The soul and the spirit are mysteriously tied together and make up what the Scriptures call the “heart.”  The writer of Proverbs declares, “ Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23 NKJV). We see here that our “heart” is central to our will and emotions, * “ for out of it are the issues of life; of natural life: it is the seat of it, from whence all actions of life are derived; it is, as philosophers say, the first that lives, and the last that dies”.

 So in healing the soul we must watch with all diligence, guarding the heart from all that would cause the spring, the stream of life that proceeds from it, to be sealed up. Failure to guard the heart will leave our spirit and soul vulnerable to fear-based living, a heart where no life flows, a life personified as a ‘dead-man walking’ carrying a depressed heart.

Purpose in your heart to continue talking to God about how you are feeling, or simply praise Him for His promises, as you do this your soul will be renewed, or as my counsellor once put it ‘pray, God re-boot me to the manufacturers original default settings’. Think about this, if all the thoughts you’ve had up until this point has not made you feel any better, have another thought. As you pursue God He will eclipse your fears, broaden your horizons, change your perspective and you will have another thought, a thought which comes from His heart and you will begin to see yourself and your circumstances as He does… through eyes of faith, hope and love. Rejoice in this truth – now there’s a thought!

 

* Source: http://gill.biblecommenter.com/proverbs/4.htm


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I Forgive Him… I Forgive Him NOT!

SteadfastForgiveness… undeserved, unearned, you might say:  ‘well no one understands what they did to me, what was said about me’. From the Gospels’ accounts,  Jesus had every reason to be bitter, angry and unforgiving. Amidst brutal circumstances, He said, “Forgive them…”  betrayed, falsely accused, whipped, beaten and spat on he was then nailed to a cross by them.  As the crowd continued to taunt and curse him and His life slowly fading away He did not seek justice or vengeance.

Forgiveness, or I like to call it ‘absorbing the debt’,  refusing to make them pay for what they did, I believe, is the hardest and most courageous step towards healing and complete peace. On the subject of forgiveness Timothy Keller explains how by wanting to make the perpetrators suffer for what they have done will not give you peace “Cycles of reaction and retaliation can go on for years. Evil has been done to you – yes. But when you try to get payment through revenge the evil does not disappear. Instead it spreads, and it spreads most tragically of all into you and your own character”.

 It was only a few months ago when I sat in prayer and asked God, “Why am I not completely peaceful and why have you not given me joy like you promise in your word?, I am not moving from this chair until you heal me… completely!” I waited for an answer and started to reflect on all the steps I had taken towards getting well, countless counselling sessions, prayer, exercise, etc. As my mind wandered (still waiting for God to answer) I recalled the most hurtful moments of my past and thanked God for healing me from the emotional pain. Upon examining my feelings I realised the memories still affected me, not in a hurtful, saddening manner as they had for so many years. What was rising up in my spirit was anger, bitterness and  unforgiveness.

Needless to say, God had answered my demanding prayer by showing me that my final healing was to be found in letting go of the unforgiveness I held so tightly. Holding onto unforgiveness seemed to be my last chance at vengeance and justice to those that had wronged me. They didn’t deserve my forgiveness!

Crazy thing about a ‘payback’ mindset is the paying back seldom affects those who have wronged you. The unforgiving heart doesn’t heal, in fact bitterness and anger controlled me more and more as the years went by. Ask yourself, how does your holding onto unforgiveness work to hurt the other person? Does it really make you feel peace, joy…  a sense of true happiness?

The issue isn’t whether the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  In my experience the hurting one is the unforgiving soul, much like a snake bite if you were to be bitten (hurt by someone) the snake takes off into the bush and your left with the venom (un forgiveness) do you get the picture? The snake isn’t concerned about how much venom you have pumping through your veins, he’s gone about his life as if not much has changed. On the other hand if the anti-venom (forgiveness) is not administered to the victim of a snake bite her health will deteriorate rapidly and possibly become fatal.

The importance of forgiveness toward others is a matter which must be addressed if we are to experience peace, joy and happiness. Just as your spirit and soul will flourish when you offer forgiveness, so to your physical being will begin complete healing. Go ahead… just like the Psalmist cried out “Create in me a pure heart…” allow God to purify your heart towards others and in the words of our Saviour “Forgive them”. X